Faith-Colored Fiction

This isn't something I can post often, but I thought it would be fun to post some fiction this Friday. I used to dabble in it before I realized God wanted me to follow the non-fiction route. My dear friend Laury is hosting this fun meme this week, though, and I didn't want to be left out.

This is a "fiction" article of vignettes I wrote awhile back based loosely on some of my own circumstances growing up. It's slice of life fiction with some truth sprinkled in...or for me, healing fiction.




Faith-Colored Glasses
“Hey, FOUR EYES, your mom walks funny!”

I was the only one who wore glasses in the third grade. “My name’s BECKY! And your mom would walk funny, too, if her car had been run over by a semi-truck.”

Their relentless teasing continued. “Oh yeah? Well, maybe if she’d had BIG, THICK glasses like yours, she wouldn’t have crashed!” They stuck their noses in the air, snickering their way into the school.

I hate my life.

******

Dad was in his typical after-work reclined position.

“Becky, just shut up for two seconds, you little brat. I’m tryin’ to watch TV.”

Yuck—his breath stinks.

“Hey Lynn, bring me another beer.”

Get it yourself, you lazy bum. Mom has a headache.

He glared at me. “What are you lookin’ at, Stupid? GET-OUTTA-HERE!”

I hate my life.

******

My choir director had bought me a brand new dress for the occasion--the most exciting dance in the 8th grade--assuring me that I should go.

“Hey, Becky, where’s your dad? This is a DADDY/Daughter dance.” Heather was the know-it-all who seemed to enjoy pointing out how different my life was.

“He doesn’t live with us anymore.”

“Thaaat’s right. He lives at that—(finger snap)—that—(finger snap)—oh yeah, that tavern on the west side of town…orrrr is it the one on the east side?”

My face caught on fire, and I bolted out of there in tears.

I hate my life.

******

“Mrs. Connor? Hi, it’s Becky. Um, I’m going to have to miss the senior concert tonight. Mom’s in the hospital again. I’m so sorry, they’re not sure what’s wrong with her…”

They’re never sure what’s wrong with her.

“…Yeah, well, I have to get to the hospital. She’s asking for me.”

Like I can do anything.

I was ashamed of my tears. “So much for my solo.”

I hate my life.

******

“Wow, Becky—I can’t believe the way you just put a smile on that little girl’s face. No one else has been able to do that. How do you get inside these troubled kids’ heads?”

It felt so good to have someone, an adult no less, compliment me for once. “Well, I guess you could say I understand them.”

Maybe there’s a purpose for my life.

******

I can’t believe I’m here singing in front of the whole college.

“When we walk with the Lord,
In the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way.”

Thank You for shedding Your light on my way, Lord.

“When we do His good will,
He abides with us still,
Even more when we trust and obey.” *

Lord, I accepted You as my Savior when I was six. "Now I want to obey You through ALL my circumstances."

I trust You with my life, God.

******

“Whatcha’ thinkin’ about? Earth to Mom,” asked my daughter.

I scooped her in my arms, then pushed her glasses back onto her nose. “Hi, ‘Lil Dumplin,’ I was just taking a trip down memory lane.”

“Thinkin’ about Gramma again?”

“Yeah, her, among other things.”

“Like?”

“Like the day I began to trust Jesus with my life. I hated my life before then.”

“Daddy says you had an icky childhood.”

“Yeah, it was pretty icky, Punkin’, but you know what? After I said, ‘Okay, Lord, here’s my ick in all its ickiness. Will you please make something of it?’—after I did that, He gave me a special gift.”

Her eyes twinkled with excitement. “What was it, Mommy?”

“A thick pair of faith-colored glasses. And I wore them from that day forward.”

“Faith-colored glasses? Cooooool! What did Gramma look like after you put ‘em on?”

“Different. She still walked crooked…She still had a rough time of it with her brain damage from the car wreck, but…all of a sudden, I noticed new things about her.”

“Liiike?”

“Like how she loved her Bible. How she desperately depended on God for strength. How often she prayed.”

“Wow! That sounds just like you, Mommy.” She pushed up my glasses with her index finger.

I held her close to me. “It does, huh?”

“You know, I think I got a pair of faith-colored glasses, too--at Gramma’s funeral.”

“Yeah?”

She sat up on her knees. “Welllll, I was lookin’ at Gramma’s picture, and I imagined her dancing in Heaven with Jesus. Brand new legs and everything.”

“Yes, honey, those are the same glasses.” She wiped the tear from my cheek.

“I thought so.” She climbed off my lap. Evidently, it was time to go play.

“Bye, sweetie. Thanks for givin’ Mama sugar.”

“Sure, no problem…FOUR EYES!” Giggles.

“Hey, YOU, look who’s talkin’?”

I love my life.

*****************************************************************************************************

Ephesians 1:18-19a, NIV
“I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints,
and His incomparably great power for us who believe…”

* Trust and Obey—Words: John H. Sammis, 1887. Music: Daniel B. Towner

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When Faith Sighs...

"Faith sometimes means knowing God can, whether or not He does." 

I have no idea which pastor or teacher said this, but I wrote it down in the side space of my Bible, right beside the story of Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego in Daniel 3. In verse 16 it says, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

"Faith sometimes means knowing God can, whether or not He does."

So this morning, I took all the stuff that's been bugging me, the burdens I've been carrying around, the concern I have for the Church, the hypocrisy, the lies, the schemes of the devil, the righteous anger burning inside of me...I laid them at the feet of my Father.

I gave Him my "whys."

Why, Oh Lord, to those who claim to know Christ cheat and lie and steal?

Why, Father, do men and women leave their spouses and families behind, only to relish in their own selfish pursuits?

Why, God, are little children abused, belittled, ignored, or let alone to raise themselves?

Why--oh WHY, Sovereign One, have we grown so complacent toward the Truth & consumed with what our itching ears want to hear?

"Faith sometimes means knowing God can, whether or not He does."

My hope is in You, Lord. I lay all my complaints before You. I place my trust, confidence & faith in You. Help me to stay focused on who You are instead of what I'd like you to do, walking in surrendered obedience no matter what.

"All my longings lie open before You, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from You." Ps. 38:9

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Mud Pies Keep Fallin' on my Head

It was my 1st grade year, and the 1st time my singing talent was discovered. Fortunate for me, as I shook in my boots all the way to center stage, the lights blinded me to the point that I couldn't see how many eyes were waiting for me.

I stood there, I think in a cute 'lil dress and rain boots, belting out,
"Raindrops keep fallin' on my head. But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red, cryin's not for me, 'NO,'"

The second verse I pulled out an umbrella and did a lil choreographed dance. At least this is the way I remember it.

"Cryin's not for me, 'NO,'
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free, nothin's worryin' me."

The stage made me a hypocrite that night, even though I didn't know what a hypocrite was. The truth is, I was not free. And I worried and cried through blue-eyes-turned-red a LOT. They weren't cute, lil ole raindrops falling on my head. They were more like marble-loaded mud pies.

First, there was the patch I had to wear for my stigmatism, along with big thick lenses for my weak eyes. Then there were the teasing kids in a new school, mean ones, telling me my mom walked and talked funny, chanting "Four Eyes" jingles from across the playground. The one kid who did like me was a stinky boy, and he liked me so much that I spent recesses running from him, begging him to stop trying to kiss me. Inside the walls of my home, were new and taboo realities, harsh ones. Ones I didn't understand, and made my stomach hurt almost all the time.

The mud-pies kept falling, and I'd guessed it was gravity's fault.

But I can't share this muddy story from my past without mentioning the umbrella. It was strong. It was all I had to keep from falling down and dying right then and there. It was the decision to put my faith in Jesus Christ. That umbrella didn't keep me from getting wet or hurt, but it assured me that God was present, protecting me in ways I couldn't comprehend.

I won't pretend that becoming a Christian that year changed everything. The junk ensued...worsened even. I didn't understand why God allowed the bad stuff to happen, and I told Him so. And for the record, I still don't understand it, and I tell Him so. He never stopped making Himself known to me, though, and giving me the faith I needed to keep searching for a greater promise and a greater love than anything this world could provide for me.

True freedom isn't about being brave enough or positive enough. It's about holding on to Christ through all circumstances, letting Him be my Protector, my Joy...my very Life. As I walk step by step under the umbrella of His unfailing love, then and only then can I genuinely belt out, "Because I'm free, nothin's worryin' me."

"You have made known to me the path of life;
You will fill me with joy in Your presence,
With eternal pleasures at Your right hand."
Psalm 16:11

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A Patch from My Past

When I was a kid, I had horrible eyesight. One eye was lazy, my right eye, so I had to wear a patch over my left eye for most of my first grade year. It was black like a pirate patch, so even though the six-yr-old boys thought it was cool, it was so NOT COOL to me. If that wasn’t embarrassing enough, I was also really far-sighted, so I had to wear big thick lenses with bifocals. And for those of you who don’t know, they didn’t make the lenses thin and unobtrusive like they do nowadays. I truly did have four eyes!

So I had a pirate patch on my left eye, bold black frames, and a great big eyeball, my right one, magnified through the bifocal. I looked like Mr. Magoo meets Popeye!

But here’s the irony. While everyone was going through all this trouble to help me see better, all I really wanted was to be blind to my circumstances.

Why? Because through those lenses, I saw hate. I saw abuse & pain. I saw drunkenness & anger & despair. I saw beautiful things too, but the ugliness of my circumstances shoved the good out of my mind’s eye. I had a serious astigmatism deep down in my heart and soul that needed correcting, and a patch wasn’t going to do the trick.

As I grew up, my eyesight improved some. No more bifocals, a bit thinner lenses, a little more style in those frames. At the same time, my spiritual eyes were seeing more clearly too. My circumstances didn’t change, but I began to see God magnified through them instead of the other way around.

I began to see how God had been there for me as a young hurting child, and how He had comforted me each time I called out to Him in desperation and fear. And by His grace, He revealed to me that He was not only my Comforter, but my Redeemer as well. He corrected my vision with 2 Corinthians 5:7, showing my lazy eye that if I would “live by faith” and “not by sight,” I would see Him up close and personal, big and tall—fully able.

If you could see me now, you wouldn’t see any eyeglasses on my face. But I’m wearing some…because my gracious Father offered me a pair. I call them my Faith-colored glasses. Through them, He has become larger to me than any circumstance I faced in the past or will face today or in the future. Through them, I see His light instead of darkness. Through them, I see hope and strength enough for each new day.

What about you? Do negative situations, big, small or medium cause you to take your eyes off God’s ability to help you through them? Is the Lord in your peripheral vision while your circumstances stand large in front of you? Are you squinting to see any beauty from the ashes of your past? Do you see only hopelessness in your future?

I wish I could say that I never put my faith-colored glasses on the shelf, but I do. So friends, let’s challenge one another to live God large. Let’s commit to see life—past, present & future--through His eyes, walking by faith and not by sight.

“I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened

in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you,

the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints,

and His incomparably great power for us who believe…”

Ephesians 1:18-19a

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Selah~ Pause. Ponder. Praise.

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