One Thing I'll Never Ever Hide

Why is it I want to hide when I get to the end of myself?

And I get there often.

It’s big things, small things, anywhere in-between things. I forget that the Lord wants me weak and vulnerable and teachable and dependent so that He can be my true Strength and Shelter and Wisdom and Confidence.

Of course this doesn't mean I wallow around in self-pity or low self-esteem. It means I glory in who He is and what He can do in and through me as I hide myself in Him. I'm learning...struggling, honestly...to live this out consistently, but thankfully, the Lord has given me reminders in His Word over and over again:

He says in 2 Corinthians 12, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Then I'm told to "boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me." He reminds me not to lose heart in 2 Corinthians 4, because my light and momentary troubles are achieving for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

So, I can boast that I have bad mommy days and sometimes I feel like the worst wife on the planet. I can share that I've struggled with mild depression and mood swings my whole life. My house is a wreck more often than I'd like to admit, and usually because I haven't organized my time well or kept my priorities in order. I'm selfish. I make the same mistakes over and over again.

But I won't stop my boasting there. The Lord is my Stronghold, my Deliverer, my Teacher, my Counselor, my Guide, my Helper, my gracious Forgiver, my Completer, my Potter, my Shepherd and my very VERY Best Friend. My flaws are not a surprise to Him. His mercies are new and available to me every single hour of every day. Nothing is impossible for Him, even ironing out my wrinkliest weaknesses. He says, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!" (Isaiah 43:18)

Yes, I get to the end of myself, and I get there often. But even more often, I'm out of breath running to the One who was waiting for me to get there in the first place. I love my Jesus, and I won't hide that from anyone.

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Taxi Mom For Hire

"God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine.

A car is made to run on gasoline,

and it would not run properly on anything else.

Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself.

He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn,

or the food our spirits were designed to feed on.

God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself,

because it is not there. There is no such thing."

~C.S. Lewis

I'm in the taxi driving season of mamahood. No matter how simple we try to keep our lives as a family, it seems the engine stays running.

I think that's why C.S. Lewis' quote above touched me so. Just as my SUV burns through the fuel, so His Spirit fans the flame in me. And when I run on any source for energy than my Jesus, I burn out even faster than my gas guzzlin' Ford.

He is the food my spirit was designed to feed on. God won't provide a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because there's no such thing.

How different would our lives be if we surrendered to Him

as our main source of energy and strength every day?

The better question might be:

How different would the lives around us be?

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God...for God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord...but join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel."

2 Timothy 1:6-10

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