Alive...and kicking

I'm pretty sure I have never gone this long without posting on my blog before...yes, I'm alive. Kicking some too. I'll get to the kicking part momentarily.

If you could see me now, I'm comfy in my writing chair, feet propped up, laptop on lap, coffee cup empty. I've spent some hours poring through my Bible, praying, seeking the Lord. I'm enjoying the calm after the storm. Nope, no major traumas. Everyone's healthy. Life is good. We are blessed.

But still, life's been storming by way of calendar. In the midst of a crazier than normal schedule, my vulnerabilities and weaknesses have been exposed to the nth degree. The only way I can explain it is to say that my emotions have been raw. My hubby and a few friends have seen some stinky behavior, lemme tell you. Not that the Lord hasn't done His good stuff in and through me, cuz He's God, and He has...but He hasn't done so without me kicking and screaming some.

My kicking and screaming hasn't been out of rebellion, more out of distress. You see, I had the ability to walk on water through the waves, but I took my eyes off of Jesus and began drowning in them instead. I've been sitting here wondering this morning why I didn't choose to wear my faith-colored goggles the past few weeks.

See why I haven't blogged? In the few moments I've had to write, I've felt like a crud monkey. And my pride does not want to admit when I feel like a crud monkey.

But it's never too late.

The Truth is, there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus, and because I belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed me from the control of sin (Romans 8).

The Truth is that if I confess my sins to other believers and ask for prayer, I will be healed, knowing that the prayers of others who are righteous are powerful and effective (James 5).

The Truth is that the Lord has already forgiven me because of His work on the cross. He has remembered my sin and lawless acts no more! (Hebrews 10:17-18)

The Truth is that I can approach the throne of grace with confidence, because I will ALWAYS find mercy and grace to help me in my time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

My friends, I pray that in sharing my past several weaks (pun intended) with you, the Lord will use it in some way for His glory. When the waves come--whatever their scope or scale--may our souls cease to kick and scream, finding our rest, our hope and our salvation in Christ alone.

"For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18, NLT

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One Thing I'll Never Ever Hide

Why is it I want to hide when I get to the end of myself?

And I get there often.

It’s big things, small things, anywhere in-between things. I forget that the Lord wants me weak and vulnerable and teachable and dependent so that He can be my true Strength and Shelter and Wisdom and Confidence.

Of course this doesn't mean I wallow around in self-pity or low self-esteem. It means I glory in who He is and what He can do in and through me as I hide myself in Him. I'm learning...struggling, honestly...to live this out consistently, but thankfully, the Lord has given me reminders in His Word over and over again:

He says in 2 Corinthians 12, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Then I'm told to "boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me." He reminds me not to lose heart in 2 Corinthians 4, because my light and momentary troubles are achieving for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

So, I can boast that I have bad mommy days and sometimes I feel like the worst wife on the planet. I can share that I've struggled with mild depression and mood swings my whole life. My house is a wreck more often than I'd like to admit, and usually because I haven't organized my time well or kept my priorities in order. I'm selfish. I make the same mistakes over and over again.

But I won't stop my boasting there. The Lord is my Stronghold, my Deliverer, my Teacher, my Counselor, my Guide, my Helper, my gracious Forgiver, my Completer, my Potter, my Shepherd and my very VERY Best Friend. My flaws are not a surprise to Him. His mercies are new and available to me every single hour of every day. Nothing is impossible for Him, even ironing out my wrinkliest weaknesses. He says, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!" (Isaiah 43:18)

Yes, I get to the end of myself, and I get there often. But even more often, I'm out of breath running to the One who was waiting for me to get there in the first place. I love my Jesus, and I won't hide that from anyone.

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