Not A "Do It Myself" Kind of Mother

Being a mom has been the greatest challenge of my life. Truly. I love my kids so much, yet I fail to provide them with my very best on a regular basis.

While this would be a great time to beat myself up, I refuse to do so. The Lord doesn't condemn me, and He doesn't want me on a frowny-faced guilt trip either, so I press on. I pray. I read His Word and other books written by people I respect. And I ditch the crinkly forehead and frown wrinkles, even if I have to pop a tylenol and eat a square of dark chocolate. I digress.

One of the books that I'm reading right now is Your Girl by Vicki Courtney. When I'm finished, I'm going to read Your Boy by the same author. I think one of the reasons I like her books so much is because she "speaks" like my brain thinks. If I could afford it, I would buy one of these books for every single mom I know. That's how good it is.

Anyway, this morning I was reminded of a story she told about how her daughter got to the "I Do It Myself" stage. She said she would've preferred "I love you, mommy" over those words any day, but nonetheless, her daughter's independence was proclaimed on a regular basis. Then she turns the statement back around to us as moms.

Why do we sometimes pull the "I do it myself" routine with the One who could help us do it better? Vicki writes,

"Those of us who have 'I do it myself' attitudes often have a hard time asking God for help. When it comes to mothering, it is impossible to 'do it ourselves.' The best mothers are those who admit that the job is far too big to handle alone. They lay their inadequacies at the foot of the cross and rush to His throne for advice. When their children stray from the path, as they often will, faithful mothers cry out to the Lord in groanings too deep for words. They trust God to draw their children's wayward hearts back to His paths. He is, after all, their Creator."

I've never ever EVER told God "I do it myself." I know better. But each time I manipulate my children, lose my temper, or shove my head in the sand to avoid the issues, my actions are proclaiming my independence and stubbornness with Him loud and clear.

I need my Papa's counsel to raise my kids. He'll give it to me when I ask. And no matter the results, whether things go the way I hope they will or not, I'll trust that He's working, that He loves my children more than I ever could. He is the only One who can honestly say, "I do it Myself." So I pray I'll be the kind of mother, and daughter, who gets out of the way and lets Him do it.

"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."
1 Samuel 1:27-28

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Need some devos to do with your kids this summer?

Over the past few months, I've received a handful of emails over some kids devotions the Lord inspired me to write several years ago. Many have asked to use these with their kids' groups at church, and a few asked permission to print the whole series...one precious gramma wanted me to know she was doing the devos with her grandchildren. Another asked if I were going to put them in a book. Believe it or not, there are very few books out there for kids, ages 6-10, about friendship (at least co-ed). This project is unique, in that it's designed for parents to read with their children...ask questions, get 'em talkin'. It's tough for young'uns to figure out the friend thing these days, what with all the zingers, sarcasm and ruthlessness the media and society have to offer them. That's why they benefit when we as parents stay involved, help 'em through it.

So here's the deal. No, I don't plan to pitch them to a publisher. I might put them in an ebook someday just for fun. But I want anyone who wants to use them for ministry purposes to feel free to use them as wanted or needed. They're free. Spread them around. I enjoyed going through them with my own children, and I hope you'll do the same with yours.

My only requests are that you don't alter them or try to sell them yourself, which I know you would never do,  (had to mention it anyway), AND that you drop me a line if you feel led about what you or your kids/grandkids/students learned while doing them. That would bless my flip-flops off. ;)

You can find them right here. May the Lord use them for His glory!

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The Crowd or Cross? by Vicki Courtney

Hi all, I was perusing Vicki Courtney's site last night looking for guidance on some stuff I've been discussing with my kids about modesty. You know, it's camisole and swimsuit season, and I have to approach the topic from two different angles with my teenage son and my may-as-well-be-teenage daughter. Then there's the 3rd angle...one of a writer and speaker to Christian women.

As I continue to process exactly what the Lord is leading me to communicate on this subject publicly, all I feel led to say now is, Moms, it's okay to teach our kids to live a set-apart life. And we can approach it as faith-filled, freedom-loving good news instead of self-righteous, rule-driven legalism. Vicki always does a good job of this, and it's something I'm still learning.

With her permission, I'm sharing this wonderful article she wrote awhile back. I'm going to use each paragraph as a daily conversation with all 3 of my kids at their different levels...finding out where they are, what makes this hard or doable for them...then pray with them on it. And while I'm at it, I'll be thinking through it myself. Right now, the self-esteem one is a praying point.

Hope this ministers to you and your family too!

Crowd or Cross?
By: Vicki Courtney

When it comes to making money, the crowd says: “Money makes the world go ’round!”
The cross says: It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God! (Matt. 19:24)

When it comes to possessions, the crowd says: “He who has the most toys wins.”
The cross says: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matt. 6:19)

When it comes to illegally downloading music, the crowd says: “Who cares?! The record artists make enough money as it is.”
The cross says: Thou shalt not steal. (Lev. 19:11; Rom. 13:9)

When it comes to dressing immodestly, the crowd says: “If you’ve got it, flaunt it!”
The cross says: I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety… (1 Tim. 2:9)

When it comes to viewing porn, the crowd says: “Hey, pretty much everybody does it.”
The cross says: But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality. (Eph. 5:3)

When it comes to inappropriate talk, the crowd says: “We’re just joking around!”
The cross says: Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. (Eph. 5:4)

When it comes to sex outside of marriage, the crowd says: “Just do it!”
The cross says: Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Heb. 13:4)

When it comes to casual hook-ups, the crowd says: “What’s the big deal?
The cross says: Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. (Prov. 31:10)

When it comes to drinking, the crowd says: “everyone does it!”
The cross says: Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you. (Eph. 5:18)

When it comes to homosexuality, the crowd says: “It’s a genetic thing! They can’t help it!”
The cross says: And the men, instead of having normal sexual relationships with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men…(Rom. 1:27)

When it comes to unplanned pregnancies, the crowd says: “Terminate it! It’s just a blob of tissue.”
The cross says: For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb….your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13, 16)

When it comes to self-esteem, the crowd says: “Worth equals what you look like.”
The cross says: Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart. (1 Sam. 16:7)

When comes to sharing your faith, the crowd says: “Don’t! You might offend someone!”
The cross says: Go and make disciples of all nations. (Matt. 28:19)

When it comes to heaven, the crowd says: “No worries! As long as you’re a good person, you’re in!”
The cross says: The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose the easy way. But the gateway to life is small, and the road is narrow, and only a few ever find it. (Matt. 7:13)

When it comes to other faiths, the crowd says: “Many paths lead to the same God.”
The cross says: I am the way and the truth and the life and no one comes to the Father except through me. (John 14:6)

Vicki Courtney is an author and speaker with a ministry that reaches over 150,000 girls and mothers a year through events, books, and online resources. A mother herself of three children, she seeks to provide tweens, teens, and their parents with the tools necessary to navigate today’s promiscuous culture. She's written  5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter, which is a top 50 CBA best-seller. Vicki is currently working on 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Son, which will release in late Spring, 2011.

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Therapy needed

I asked one of my kids (who shall remain nameless) to tell me what she did during her homework class today. She said, "I don't remember." 

I said, "How could you not remember, it was only a half hour ago?"

Her nose grew further as she explained that she couldn't help it because she has "short term memory loss." Amazing that she suddenly remembered she did nothing but a crossword puzzle after I told her I was going to have to call the memory loss doctor in the morning to have her brain examined.

She's relieved to receive the consequences for lying AND for not doing her homework over the trip to the brain doctor. 

Problem is, I may end up needing a therapist. :0

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Reflective Thoughts--for MOMS of Young'uns

When my kids were little, I often felt like I was all alone in my distressed moments. Even though I had a community of other moms and great friends around me, I'd hold back. Share just enough, but keep my deeper wonderings and issues to myself.

Down the road, I can't imagine how beneficial it would've been to be more authentic and vulnerable with others. It was pride and insecurity that kept me from doing so, because I lacked confidence to accept the advice or suggestions from others. I wanted to seem like the all-together one.

I wonder how many of those around me were doing the same thing?

Mamas, we may not always agree about what age to potty train, whether we nurse or bottle feed, rock 'em to sleep or let 'em cry...home school, public or private, how long to let 'em suck their thumb or the pacifier, to stay at home or go to work...and on and on. Let's face it. We're all unique and will never agree on all these issues, cuz God's made us all so uniquely, 'pinions and all.

But we all need encouragement to persevere, to put God first, to be willing to change our minds or learn to accept the decision of another. We can benefit from crying out to a friend when we're stressed and feel like the worst mom on planet earth, by admitting our failures and weaknesses and regrets. Can we confess when our spiritual well has run dry or when we can't stop running to the tv or the mall or the pantry or the fast food window to fill our souls?

Maybe, and I'm thinking backwards here...maybe if we can stop debating the "issues," we can spend our time praying for one another and leading each other to the true Source for all the hard days in our lives as moms. If we can learn to let our little differences go, then we can get to the real stuff, the nitty gritty behind each and every decision we make anyway.

As iron sharpens iron,

so one mama sharpens another.

(Prov. 27:17, my paraphrase)

What do you think? Are you able to be transparent as a mom of young ones? What do you find most difficult about this season? If you could be gut honest with any other mom, what would you say? How do you respond to admonishment or advice from other moms?

Keep it real. I'll be praying for you.

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